#no motive other than because they think i need help
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Why I Love Caitlyn, and Why You Hate Her
⚠️ READER DISCRETION: I am not condoning Caitlyn’s actions and behavior, I am simply exploring the depth of her character and explaining what motivated her pursuit of revenge.
There’s no denying the gravity of Caitlyn’s actions as they are unquestionably wrong. However, her character cannot be reduced to these actions alone. This sudden, devastating behavior of hers is shaped by a thread of complex motivations and circumstances, but many choose not to acknowledge this simply because of her elite background.
Like many others, I initially overlooked the point of the gassing in Zaun, which I think is a crucial thing everyone must first understand before diving into the discourse over Caitlyn's character.
The Grey, often misunderstood as being used indiscriminately, was strategically deployed against the Chem-Barons to limit collateral damage. Caitlyn chose precision over chaos, targeting those directly responsible for Zaun’s turmoil. Furthermore, Caitlyn didn’t kill the Chem-Barons; she captured them, with net-deploying bullets. While her methods are controversial, they reflect a calculated approach; mischaracterizing her raid as a reckless attack ignores these details.
This isn’t to deny or excuse the fact that Caitlyn did, indeed, gas Zaun. Who’s to say that gas didn’t seep into the streets where innocent Zaunites roamed, harming them in the process? It’s entirely possible that innocents were affected and devastated. However, my brief explanation is only added to gain better perspective over the objectives of the gassing itself.
Now moving on, despite her privileged upbringing, Caitlyn shows a genuine effort to understand and connect with Zaunites. She places her trust in Vi, a Zaunite she’s never met before, to guide her in her search for Silco. Her journey through the undercity opens her eyes to the struggles of its people, challenging her perspective.
In S1E4, when investigating the airship attack, she encounters an undercity resident and reassures him, “I can protect you.” Later in the season, when Vi gets stabbed, Caitlyn encounters someone formerly connected to Vi. He’s grown a distaste over himself due to his appearance, and yet Caitlyn embraces him with compassion and tenderness, as a silent sign of gratitude. Then, she surrenders her cherished firearm—her only means of protection—in return for a healing potion to save Vi. In S1E7, Caitlyn’s heartfelt monologue in her conversation with Ekko perfectly captures her hope and determination: “This city needs healing. More than I ever realized. Please, let me help you.”
When Caitlyn and Vi stand in front of the Council, Caitlyn declares: “Councilors, this is Vi. She was born in the undercity. Even though we failed her in countless ways, she risked everything to show me what life is really like down there. People are starving, sick, ravaged by Shimmer. They live in constant fear of the coordinated efforts of violent crime lords.” This monologue alone shows how Caitlyn embodies optimism, believing in the inherent goodness of people, even Zaunites. It also shows that she is very willing to fight for them; she sees helping Zaunites as an act of bringing justice and equality into this world.
Many overlook the depth of Cassandra and Caitlyn’s relationship, reducing it to a simple narrative of a daughter mourning her mother. However, Caitlyn’s mourning is more layered than that. Throughout her life, she has been rebellious, driven by a desire to uncover the reality her mother tried to shield her from. In S1E4, Caitlyn reflects on this by saying, “She’d do anything to keep me from seeing the real world.” Caitlyn’s defiance wasn’t just rebellion for its own sake—it was a stand for her ideals. She sought enlightenment and understanding, even if it meant stepping outside the privileged bubble her mother built for her. By venturing into the undercity and aligning herself with Vi, Caitlyn rejected her mother's own ideals. In a way, her actions mirror Vi’s: just as Vi betrayed her people by working with the enforcers, Caitlyn betrayed her mother by involving herself with Zaunites. Remember: The last time we see Caitlyn and Cassandra interact on-screen is during Caitlyn’s plea before the Council. And in that moment, Caitlyn was fighting to protect the very kind that would soon kill her own mother.
You say that Caitlyn’s drastic shift is unjustified, as she’s only experienced a fraction of the suffering Zaunites have been enduring. But that’s precisely the point! Her transformation shows how personal loss can drive the change of one’s entire character; she’s never experienced loss before which is why it feels so heavy for her. And unlike Zaunites, Caitlyn actually has the power to act on her grief. Zaunites have only known misery their whole lives. When their loved one dies, they know there is nothing more they can do but grieve. They don’t have an inch of the privilege and military support Caitlyn has. If you had given them the same resources as Caitlyn, they wouldn’t hesitate to bring ruin to Piltover. Simply put, they don’t fight Piltovans because they don’t want to, but because they can’t.
When Jinx takes her mother away, her compassionate ideals completely shatter. Having always sought justice and understanding for Zaun, Caitlyn feels deeply betrayed, as her faith in the good within every Zaunite is overturned. Her mother’s death becomes a turning point—driving her to abandon her ideals and adopt Piltover’s disdain for the undercity, finally understanding the resentment many Piltovans harbor.
We also tend to forget that, aside from losing her mother, Caitlyn has directly suffered under the hands of Jinx. Caitlyn was held captive by Jinx in Season 1—and God knows what was done to her during that period. In the dinner scene, we see Caitlyn break down in tears, visibly flinching when Jinx moves toward her. It’s clear that Jinx has traumatized Caitlyn not just once, but twice. These experiences deeply shape Caitlyn’s actions moving forward. The pain and fear she’s endured push her to a place where she’s willing to sacrifice almost anything, even if it means putting a child’s life at risk (Isha's) or severing ties with Vi.
While they share their differences, Caitlyn and Jinx are the perfect example of foil characters. Here’s an instance which proves this: Both allow themselves to be influenced by manipulative, powerful figures all while being in a vulnerable state of mind.
Jinx is haunted by guilt; her attempt to save her family only ended up killing them, leaving her with the crushing weight of self-blame. She clings to Silco, not because he was the father she needed, but because he was the father she wanted. Silco indulged her destructive tendencies, keeping her at an all-time high on the edges of chaos. Fragile and broken, Powder crossed paths with Silco at the right moment; he saw the perfect chance to mold her into someone bewildered, unrestrained, and astray.
Caitlyn has her own Silco: Ambessa, the ruthless Noxian leader with a brutal philosophy of war. Ambessa enters Caitlyn’s life at a pivotal moment, stepping in just as Caitlyn is grappling with the devastating loss of her mother. In a spiral of self-identity, Caitlyn struggles with the weight of Piltover’s expectations and her unresolved guilt over her strained relationship with her mother (as explained in previous paragraphs). Just as young Powder mourns her family, Caitlyn blames herself for the death of her mother. Caitlyn got herself involved with the Zaunites even when she was warned not to, and at the expense of her defiance came the death of her mother. Driven by guilt and a thirst for vengeance, Caitlyn steps fully into her role, declaring in S2E1: “I am a decorated officer. Leader of House Kiramman.”
Jinx and Caitlyn share a tragic parallel: they both lose everyone they hold dear. Jinx loses Vi, Vander, Claggor, and Mylo. Caitlyn is left without Cassandra, Vi, Jayce, Mel, and Tobias. Stripped of their support systems, they are left isolated, with no one to confide in or rely on. They become vulnerable, used as pawns in the larger schemes of Silco and Ambessa’s strategic games.
Caitlyn's inner turmoil is exactly why Ambessa’s manipulation is so effective. Caitlyn is compelled to take revenge, but she doesn’t know how to. And without anyone else to guide her, she places her complete trust in Ambessa's expertise. Ambessa doesn’t just give Caitlyn the authority and power to avenge her mother; she teaches her how to use them to their full potential. She toys with Caitlyn's vulnerability, making her adopt the Noxian values of wrath, bloodshed, and ruthlessness.
It’s easy to downplay Caitlyn’s grief since she comes from an elite upbringing. While Cassandra Kiramman is laid to rest in a golden casket with a proper burial, countless innocents in Zaun become victims of merciless violence, being left to die on the streets. After the timeskip however, Caitlyn is shown to recognize the moral cost of her actions. Though the series portrays this realization subtly, it becomes evident that Caitlyn is grappling with the inhumanity and immorality of her pursuit of revenge. In S2E4, this internal conflict comes to light during her conversation with Ambessa. When Ambessa attempts to stoke her fury again, Caitlyn disarms her with a piercing question: “Why is peace always the justification for violence?”
Here's another scene that subtly depicts her realization and remorse:
Caitlyn: You're a monster. Why? Why do all this? Singed: Why does anyone commit acts others deem unspeakable? ... For love.
When Caitlyn steps further and sees Orianna, she realizes that Singed's revenge is a reflection of her own: a person grieving the death of their family member. Here, there's a saddened glint in her eyes. She finally understands now, that love and grief made her do things that once seemed so foreign to her. In this case, going against her own principles just to succeed in her revenge.
Caitlyn is now forever haunted by the outcome of her mistakes, but she knows her past cannot be erased. During her confrontation with Jinx in the prison, she admits, “No amount of good deeds can undo our crimes.” While this statement is directed at Jinx, it feels like Caitlyn also holds this against herself for her wrongdoings.
Caitlyn’s acts of atonement are done quietly. She’s not good with words; she’s bad at articulating how she feels. Ironically, Vi is much better than Caitlyn when it comes to confronting and vocalizing internal conflict. So instead, Caitlyn’s actions speak for herself. By removing the guards at the prison, she tacitly allows Vi the opportunity to rescue Jinx. She knows Vi will come to save her sister, and yet she lets her. She finally lets go of Jinx and the grudge she held against her, as a silent act of her love for Vi.
And in S2E9, Sevika is shown to be sitting among the Councilors. But thanks to a fan's keen eyes, we find out that she is sat particularly on Cassandra Kiramman's chair (which not many notice). By allowing a Zaunite to occupy her mother's seat, Caitlyn gives them a chance to be rightfully represented, a chance for their voices and suffering to finally be heard. It’s a quiet display of Caitlyn’s evolution and willingness to bridge the divide between Piltover and Zaun.
That said, Arcane’s ending left much to be desired regarding Caitlyn’s arc. The heavy focus on Hextech overshadowed the sociopolitical dynamics of Piltover and Zaun. This is the main reason a lot of hate is thrown toward Caitlyn—there is an act of accountability, but there a lack of consequence. While Caitlyn acknowledges her mistakes, her privileged status keeps her from real repercussions, unlike the tragedy other characters had to face. This is frustrating, even to me, as someone whose favorite character is Caitlyn. Yet, in a way, it realistically portrays the inequalities in our own world—where the elite are often shielded from justice, and repentance is the closest they ever come to redemption.
#arcane#caitlyn kiramman#character analysis#league of legends#caitlyn#essay#in this essay i will#food for thought#i guess we really are a league of legends#caitvi#violyn#arcane vi#season 2 spoilers
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Exercise burns WAY too little calories to beat a bad diet, that is very true. I also lost the weight I lost (which his 20kg since summer 2023) through diet alone. Perhaps I did SOME exercise if you count the physical strength and steps you HAVE to do when you walk around in a warehouse, but I was "fat" back then even while working there before, so I don't think it made that much of a difference.
Ofc it's fine to stay happy and learn to love yourself as you are, I just know that I for myself couldn't and I find myself way more attractive now that I lost weight and for anyone who is like me and wants to shed some kgs without a horrible diet that ends in a yoyo- I'll add what I did under here, btw this is for no profit at all, I just want to help fellow people unhappy in their skin and I thought for WAY TOO LONG that losing weight is impossible, when it's actually not that hard.
It's annoying af, I know, but calories count. Get an app that calculates your daily need of calories. It needs your height, age and weight to know the right number. Once you have that, you can extract 100-300 kcal from that total and make this your goal to eat less of that every day for a few weeks, you'll see the weight WILL get down. The scale will sometimes stay the same weight for weeks though but if you keep going you WILL see the change!
Additional to step 1- 100-300 kcal we sometimes take in just with a sweet drink or a snack. It's not that hard to eat less of it and you can still get full! You can google low kcal meals that you can eat lots of- A personal tip from me is eating thin wraps (the thinner the less kcal) with salmon or other protein fillings- since protein makes you full AND is necessary for weight loss and muscle gain. BTW don't you dare to eat less than that, it WILL hinder your weight loss, we need a certain amount of calories to work!!!!!!
Protein, you have to eat enough protein a day for this all to be lasting. I read you have to eat your bodyweight (kg) in grams of protein in a day. For example, back when I was 60kg, I had to eat 60g protein a day. But also don't beat yourself up over it if you don't get that amount daily, I didn't either, just try to whenever you can, and it'll help!
ADD your workout. I had an app that also counted my steps and automatically added the kcal I burned to my daily kcal app. It motivated me to move more because 10k steps is like 100kcal and that was 100kcal I could eat more even WHILE dieting.
Cheat meals. Important: MEAL not day, every Saturday or Sunday I had a cheat meal, sometimes even smth as big as a burger on TOP of my usual daily intake. It helps your metabolism and body to stop thinking you're starving (which makes weight loss slower) so it's not only helpful in case you're starving to eat more (bc ngl it WILL be hard until your stomach has shrinked a lil but you can do it if I did bby) but also helps your diet physically fr! So do these!!! Reward yourself for your hard work
"So does that mean I will 4ever have to count calories?" God no, I did it for over a year until I was sick of it myself. I went from 68kg down to 49kg, when I stopped counting I gained again ofc, but I still know now what contains how many calories and know by heart what I can eat and what I shouldn't. I am 52kg for months now and I don't gain anything more and even if I would, I would know now how to lose it again if it gets really bad. THAT WAS BASICALLY already it. I know not every day will be easy and sometimes you WILL mess up. The trick is not to beat yourself up over it and keep going! Wearing the cute clothes you always wanted to wear will be SO rewarding and worth it, at least it was for me. Disclaimer that I never had children, don't have diabetes, and am in my early 30ies so idk if this will work for everyone but it did for me, and if this just helps one soul my job here is already done!!
Me: Exercise does not cause weight loss. This is a fact that has been demonstrated so robustly in research that even doctors, who hate and fear evidence, are grudgingly starting to admit this.
Someone reading that post: Cool, but have you considered that exercise leads to weight loss?
Me: I am going to eat you
#diet#weight#I was unhappy with my weigh from teen to end of my 20ies#And I wished someone would have told me sooner how to lose it FR#so I wanna share what I know#to everyone who wants to try it do your best!!!
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⚠️arcane s2 act iii spoilers // criticism ⚠️
i kind of hated the end of arcane. hear me out.
i don't wanna rain on anyone's parade but we can all agree season 2's pacing was super breakneck. not a lot got explained or was given the proper time to develop or be addressed (at least in front of us, the audience, that is - but even then, some things could've been hinted at better) and this goes for both lore, motivations and interpersonal character relationships. (and i can give many examples such as the black rose, maddie's true motivations, caitlyn and vi's fight, jinx rallying up the undercity, viktor and ambessa's plans diverging, etc. but instead, i'll tell you what i think went wrong with what we got to see in the last three eps)
seeing where ep 7 left us made me think "okay ep 8 will start from the same exact spot and we'll see from there" and ofc my expectations were defied but that's not my main problem. i needed to know what happened to ekko, jayce and heimerdinger but even more than that, i wanted to see jinx grieve isha in her own way (by herself and not through being asked or guilt tripped to help someone else's agenda bcuz she clearly had little intrinsic motivation to unite the undercity over a common goal after silco's death) and internalize what she'd meant to isha - and that becoming jinx's catalyst to rally up the undercity. i wanted her to understand why this orphan from the undercity's mines sacrificed herself to save jinx - the symbol of a cause greater than her. i needed her to see what unifying zaun and making tangible institutional change to the undercity would mean in a way sevika never would've been able to show her. it would mean no more powders, no more ishas. not one more. breaking the cycle of violence, poverty, oppression, somewhat like what silco said in ep 9 (which she interpreted as 'you're the problem, so kys' and she attempted to until somehow ekko convinced her to help. how, why and did she even unite the undercity at all or just make her big hot air balloon late-to-the-party entrance with the firelights to a stray kids banger while sevika did all the work down in zaun?).
anyway, ep 8 threw us in for a loop in an alternative universe (and i loved it, don't get me wrong, but considering there were only 2 normal length eps left, it scared me just as much). instrumentally to the plot, we got to see ekko's main ability develop, and we saw jayce's reasons for shooting viktor. the main conflict of the show, the piltover/zaun one, if those 1,5 seasons so far were anything to go by, just got set aside for the time being. over halfway through the season, we've got a new big bad - the possibility of everyone getting possessed by the viktor/hexcore and becoming part of The Glorious Evolution™. it felt like a movie about racism and police brutality added aliens in the last 5 minutes to force oppressed and oppressors to (not all that successfully) work together, massive losses were suffered by everyone, and then the overarching motif wasn't about love or humanity or rebuilding (things that have come up repeatedly in other episodes, including the one ep literally called 'the messege hidden within the pattern'), it was "bad things happen sometimes, but good things happen sometimes too. it is what it is. i guess." like. duh?? as a viewer, this was quite the disappointing ending takeaway from such a masterpiece of a show but more on that in a second.
narratively, we saw a butterfly effect situation in ep 8 that answered the question of 'what could've been?' but even that answer confused me. the undercity was already oppressed and in socioeconomical peril before jayce's hextech - vi's death during that last job (which makes me believe zaun was the same in both universes because why else would they be poor enough to steal from piltover?) prevented it from being invented and thus stopping other things in piltover from happening but how did it lead to progress in the undercity? what happened and what was the key to it all along? why did shimmer not get invented, how did zaun and piltover seemingly unite, why were zaunites all of a sudden seemingly so much materially and culturally richer and better educated in just a few years? (that aside, i love ekko's determination to get back and save his universe's zaun. i loved the alternative jinx and i loved how everyone was wearing vests 10/10)
then, ep 9 felt like a bunch of confusing things happening one after the other to the point it almost overwhelmed me and i was left thinking i didn't understand a single thing from it (except maybe that one scene - that, i understood spiritually). and the first maybe 90% of ep 10 felt like i was just repeatedly getting hit, and again - no time to breathe, no consolation, no resolve, just receiving bad news after bad news, like getting beaten to the ground with stones.
and at the very end, after some of the ends get tied, caitlyn has her speech, which to me, sounds more depressing and hollow than anything else. she talks ambiguously of history and of ups and downs and of a story not yet over, but there's no promise for the future, no motivation to keep going, no bigger picture, no lesson learned. we're not shown much work being done either (and i'll make a separate post examining why it felt that way to me and a separate one abt how i interpreted her conversation w/ vi at the very end). i was left a bit confused, somewhat unsatisfied, and very, very sad.
did anyone else feel that way too? what did i miss, did i misinterpret or misunderstand something? please i'm going insane i had two different friends tell me they had no idea what i was talking about and that the ending was everything they wanted and more
#arcane season 2#arcane league of legends#arcane arc 3#arcane s2#arcane season two#arcane spoilers#arcane season finale#arcane caitlyn#maddie nolen#arcane maddie#arcane caitvi#vi and caitlyn#caitvi#caitlyn kiramman#caitlyn arcane#ekko#arcane ekko#vi arcane#arcane vi#jinx arcane#arcane jinx#arcane powder#arcane sevika#sevika#arcane viktor#arcane victor#arcane ambessa#ambessa medarda#arcane critical#arcane criticism
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Thinking about the subtle presence of the powers that be and/or the Valar in Rings of Power, and having thoughts about what part they might play in the adaptation, specifically what we’ve seen so far, and going over how those powers that be might view Sauron and his actions, and every time I think about him in that context I feel somewhat sympathetic .
However, not too sympathetic, given his repeated offenses, to qualify him for redemption or some kind of blanket amnesty, at least not before many, many ages of serious contrition, and given that Sauron is Sauron, well. Is that likely?
There are a few different threads I’ve seen that try to make a case for TROP being all about ultimate forgiveness for Sauron, while condemning the choices and actions of Galadriel, Adar, Celebrimbor, Mirdania, or anyone who gets in his way because those individuals were short-sighted or needy, or were motivated by ego or weakness, and that the Valar were handwaving Sauron’s actions or even using Sauron as some kind of tool for divine justice(!).
Do we really think the Valar are indifferent to the suffering of elves and dwarves and men, to the point that they would condemn them to be tortured to death based on a bad choice, or a personal weakness, or a common character flaw? I don't think they are quite that severe in their judgement, but I do think, being something akin to gods, their seeming lack of presence could be interpreted as indifference, and more than that I think their actions happen on a much different time scale, so any action they take might take most of an age to show any results. And of course there would be a lot of unfortunate collateral damage in the meanwhile.
But do we seriously think this means that they would allow all of the violence and destruction we’ve seen so far just to give Sauron a second (third, fourth, fifth) chance to choose a better path before he’s subdued, just because he's a Maia and that somehow makes him their special boy?
No, and I think the show has shown us that this is not the case.
I think Sauron blew it when we were shown what happened in the season two flashback, when we saw his first days as “Halbrand”. Because it feels like that was his chance, and everything he's done and will continue to do in upcoming seasons will show him going deeper into whatever passes for insanity in demi-gods, with little or no understanding of the fact that his vision of order for Middle-earth is just as much an abomination as Melkor's path of destruction.
And that’s the compelling tragedy of Sauron.
Sadly that will mean more and worse consequences for the peoples of Middle-earth in the short term. But the Valar are not indifferent to this, and based on what we've seen they know Sauron needs to be dealt with. But what proof is there of that?
Well, they sent the Stranger/Gandalf, an Istari, and he has been explicitly put on a path to confront Sauron.
Think about the timing of him falling to earth: Sauron was on the raft with Galadriel, not long after Diarmid(!) was trying to get through to Sauron in the hold of that ship (and its subsequent destruction with Sauron on board was anything but a coincidence).
Of course Gandalf has free will too, and might make some mistakes. But he is a powerful force, who also has a different perspective and can play by different rules if he chooses, but he isn’t indifferent to the suffering of the Harfoots, and won't be indifferent to any pain Sauron causes the other peoples of Middle-earth.
So we're watching the consequences of Sauron blowing his latest chance play out, and ultimately I think we know we’ll see the realization of the Valar's condemnation of Sauron's choices and actions via Gandalf, the emissary they sent to counter him and muster forces to help subdue him. And I think the rings, all of them, will come into play during that struggle.
There’s a lot of underlying stuff about free will and the fact that power corrupts running through TROP and Tolkien in general. Celebrimbor made the Three with good intentions despite the fact that wanting to make them was also about ego and his legacy, but we can’t deny that the Three did the job he made them for, and we’ve seen them used to do good things. But Celebrimbor and Galdariel and Gil-galad and anyone else who comes in contact with the Three still have free will, and any attendant flaws that come with free will, and ultimately any powerful tool can be used for good or ill, and will inspire different things in characters according to their individual strengths and weaknesses.
But I do think the Three are more benevolent tools than any of the other Rings, with the One that Sauron will forge out of desperation being the ultimate corrupted tool that could influence the others. So Elrond or Galadriel or even Gandalf might have a better chance of using one of the Three for good, for protection and preservation for some length of time, whereas contact with someone like Sauron would change them based on his intentions, and his intentions are about gaining enough power to subjugate, well, everyone. In his hands, for instance, Nenya’s tendency toward protection would quickly decay into more overt stagnation, and just like men were drawn into the shadow realm by the Nine and the One, someone like Sauron with ill intent or a long history of general malevolence would gradually feed that into any one of the Three and reap the consequences.
In other words it’s not all about the sword, but who wields it.
I do wonder if we’ll see the Three become somewhat tied to the One in TROP, and if so how that will play out. Going back to the books, eventually the Three do lose their powers but there’s no indication that they were corrupted to the degree that the potential of any of the rings of power could corrupt or be corrupted.
The Three are powerful, and they are sought after, but they are not the Silmarils.
But would one of the Three heal or help Sauron? No, and getting back to the first part of this post, there are no shortcuts on the path to healing and redemption, and Sauron can't see that path at this point, and more than that he doesn't even know he's lost in the woods.
Quick aside because I just got a rude anon ask on the subject: Yes, I’ve read Silm and the other books and a bunch of other stuff, but I don’t treat the Legendarium as if I’m a supplicant who only accepts a literal interpretation of something Tolkien said in a lecture or a letter as something akin to religious doctrine, and I think he would laugh himself into a fit to see fans trying to contradict each other that way, especially given how he felt about the so-called dominion of the author. And given that TROP is going at Silm etc. buffet-style I don’t think we can talk about the show and expect it to adhere too strictly to every line the poor man ever wrote. This doesn't mean I didn't understand Silm, but I am coming at the adaptation mostly as it's own "thing." I hope that makes sense.
#rings of power#the rings of power#sauron#sauron in rings of power#gandalf#galadriel#celebrimbor#the valar#the valar rings of power#tolkien-meta
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Sup, it's me again.
Hug attack!
🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂 No, but seriously, this fandom needs a break. Honestly, this fandom, this community needs to help each other up to their feet and we all need to come together and help one another back up.
We can't let the bad ones define us all because not all of us are like that.
I dunno I'm trying to be optimistic, sometimes, that's all you can do.
To hold onto that little speck of hope, that everything will get better. To wallow in despair will only dig you into a deeper pit, and honestly, we're all at the bottom of that pit right now. But together, I think, as a community we can pick each other up, to get ourselves out of this pit.
I'm sorry, I'm rambling, I just think someone, anyone needs to hear this. We all need a pick me up right now.
!!!! sending hugs back too >:33333 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂
and also
youre so right honestly.
fandom is community, n we need each other more than ever. i just wish ik what to do to help. like... to motivate and comfort everyone especially.
and no worries about the rambling, i honestly needed to read this right now, and damn your right we all need to read this too.
the fandom is more than sad-ist, its more than all the bad eggs. i love this fandom and i love this damn game, and im willing to fight for optimism with you because of it.
#asks#tysm for this ask honestly#needed this rn def#tagging tsp bc its in regards to the fandom#tsp#tspud#the stanley parable#tsp fandom
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So we're going to add 'hypocrisy' 'consistency' and 'critical-thinking skills' to the terms you blatantly don't understand the meaning of?
I mean, I do get it. You're an abuser, outright and without question. Your entire motivation is to take away other people's choices because they don't think like you do. It's why openly and intentionally misunderstand the meanings of terms so that you can claim they mean things other than what they've described to you, and actively attempt to position yourself as the voice of all women...
In the face of all the women telling you that you don't just fail to speak for them, but you also fail to even speak even what one would consider a 'significant minority' of women.
Also you act as if you speak for the LGBT community as a whole, when from all I can tell you're... not even part of the community. Which makes you constantly trying to talk over all us fucking saphics really fucking insulting.
Also you're like, inches from being a TERF despite anything you seem to claim.
You have notable psychological issues, and rather than consider 'hey. my personal issues have given me an unhealthy perspective on things, I do not have the framework to understand what others get from these things', you externalize your issues and try and project your unhealthy behaviors onto others.
But when it comes down to it, what you really push is your need to have control. Control over other people's lives, their freedoms and their choices. Your actions and words are just your defense mechanisms to constantly attempt to justify those actions. It's DARVO, where you attempt to make everyone else the villain rather than reflect on the fact that you never had the right to start accusing people of hideous behaviors in the first place. It's not that YOU are the evil controlling bastard, it's that everyone else wants to do bad things that you have to stop! By punishing them for thoughtcrimes.
Also, as an aside? I've looked over some of the other people pointing out what shit you've been spouting? And you REALLY do need to learn what the terms 'endorphin crash' and 'mood crash' mean. Granted you also need to learn what a lot of other things mean to begin with, but the basic understanding of how one responds to coming down from a stimulation high is really important in general and probably would also benefit you... considering that you're riding that kind of emotional swing right now, in a very blatant sense.
You know, getting a little rush from snapping back at people telling you that you're wrong, feeling smugly superior as you... don't read a single thing people tell you because that might force you to think things you don't want to?
It would explain other things related to the metatopic of all this as well, but honest to fuck it'd help you to recognize your own blatantly maladaptive behavior.
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I wanna yap about my 2 versions of HorrorTale sans, Ted and Axe :3
Trigger warning: alive cannibalism, trouble eating.
So, both have the basics of the original story, yet they also have a lot of differences between them.
Like Ted being more heartless than Axe even if it doesn't seem like in some situations. Since Ted is the sans that was """""recruited"""" to the bad sanses by Nightmare and not Axe, there's a clear reason I made up to explain why.
Said reason is that Ted's motivation to keep his brother safe was way bigger than Axe's because his papyrus ended up blind, so he decided to keep monsters injuried- but not enough for them to die. So how they wouldn't dust away, he'd feed them while still alive to his brother, and when his brother was full he'd eat himself and then kill off said monster, earning more L.O.V.E with every new victim and becoming feared by the Snowdin residents, who most refused to get out of their homes, so Ted decided to move to Waterfall, Hotland..
Soon enough he was one of the monsters with more L.O.V.E of the underground, Undyne, wanted to get rid of him as fast as possible, yet she knew she'd probably be fed to her former best friend since she was exhausted from "trying" to stop all this madness- and that's when Nightmare appeared, "offering" to take Ted away. Undyne didn't even think before agreeing, she couldn't care less if that son of a bitch was gone anyways, he'd only caused problems.
Ted refused to go, at least not without his brother, so he'd be taken in by force and if he behaved good enough in missions he'd be able to see his brother.
Another thing I'd like to add was that Ted was the nickname Killer gave him since he "looked like a fucked-up teddy bear".
Axe, on the other hand, follows the canon version way more strictly, more so the chubbiness of his body was only formed after 6 or more years after reaching the surface, since he'd always think about how his brother- and maybe his partner if he got one- may want the food more than him and how he's just wasting food instead of giving to those who actually need it.
Well, both have a foggy and shitty memory, yet they found ways to manage not to forget important things- Ted started talking more slowly since it helps his brain to process things and not act or say things on impulse, Axe writes things down, usually on sticky notes which he glues to a notebook or simply writing on his arm, he does this so often that on his jacket there's like 7 different pens.
#undertale#undertale au#sans au#sans undertale#sans#horrortale#horror sans#horrortale sans#iri rambles
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Day 26: Thunder
Childe x Scaramouche
[Miya & Mia’s Tickletober 2023] - I had forgotten about this one!
Word Count: 1.1K
Scaramouche was angry. Of course he was angry. Aether asked to meet at the Avidya Forest to explore a newly discovered domain together. Problem one: Aether did not show up. Problem two: ...
“What are you doing here,” Scara growled angrily at the Eleventh of the Eleven Fatui Harbingers. Childe.
“I was asked to join this domain adventure with the Traveler. What about you?" Childe said merrily. Scara couldn't believe Aether invited Childe without telling him. He decided to ignore Childe's question.
Also problem three:
"It's raining a lot isn't it?" Childe said. Raining? This was a huge storm. Scara and Childe were both seeking shelter in a small cave near the spot where they had been waiting a while for the Traveler, who didn't show up.
After the storm got worse and Scara even almost lost his hat because of the wind, they moved to this cave and continued to wait for the rain to end, and also, for Aether to finally show up. It better be fast.
"...So. Hat guy," Childe said.
"Don't call me that."
"Hat guy. You've been collaborating with our dear Traveler lately? I'm impressed you were invited."
"...." Scaramouche really felt zero motivation to engage in this conversation. So he didn't. Childe continued to chat on his own.
"He hasn't asked me lately. So when I met him the other day, I told him I don't like staying behind. I was then informed of this new domain discovery he wished to look into, and said I was free to join. Sumeru wasn't exactly on my route but still I came. And now instead of going on an adventure with Aether, I'm stuck here with you. Such an impressive turn of events. Oh. Was that lightning just now?"
Scara had been listening to Childe's babbling in annoyance and silence. But he did look up when he saw the flash too. He nodded.
"Must be," he said, and it got confirmed by the loud sound of thunder. Scara made the mistake to twitch in surprise. Even though the lightning had already warned them, the thunder was closer than expected. Closer and louder.
"Scared of some thunder, Wanderer?" Childe asked him. Scara continued to stare at the rain and he didn't move an inch, refusing to look at Childe or react when he stood closer to him, their shoulders almost touching.
"Whenever my younger siblings were scared of thunder, I'd cheer them up. Help them get over their fear. Let go of it. Find peace."
"...."
Keep on ignoring Scara, you're doing great! He would almost give himself such cringe encouragement.
"It has worked every single time. Just some of my magic, and they wouldn't be scared anymore."
"...."
"If you think of it, it's nice to know a way to reduce fear of thunder. The skies are what we can't control. So fear of it has to be taken care of with positivity.
"........"
"Want me to show you how I would do that?"
That Childe really talked too much!!!
"No need." Childe stepped closer again and now their shoulders were literally touching, so Scara sighed and wanted to move away. Only…
"Hyah!!" he yelped when too large hands grabbed his waist and squeezed. He flailed his arm in surprise, but Childe caught it and started to tickle his side with his free hand.
"Well like this of course!" Childe sang as if Scaramouche had told him yes.
"No! Nohoho whahahat the hehehell!" Scara laughed at the sudden assault. The move surprised him, and above all, confused him.
"Whahahat ahahare you - nahhawh stahahap you lohohoser!" Scara laughed when Childe dug mercilessly into his ticklish sides.
"Just a bit of this, and fear of thunder? Gone. Isn't it incredible?" Childe said, casually following Scara down when he sank through his knees on the cold ground.
"Fuhuhhuck you ahahasshole! I'm not scahahared of t-thahaha-!" Scara wiggled and squirmed helplessly like a miserabele little worm. Childe's tickle attack came so unexpected that he couldn't have prepared himself. And now that he was already down, laughing at the Eleventh Fatui Harbinger's mercy, he couldn't find the strength for a proper counter attack. The power of Anemo wasn't really on his side, not in times of tickle-wreckings, it seemed.
"Oh, did you see that?" Childe asked. Scara didn't see anything. His eyes were squeezed shut as he fought his embarrassing reactions to the tickling. Already soon came the loud noise of the thunder again, so Childe must've been talking about another lightning flash. Not that Scara cared.
"Gehehet ohoohoff mehehe!" he barked, still enduring the pretty merciless attack of tickles. Like, Childe appeared calm and his movements weren't too firm at all. Yet he proved to possess some skill and technique even when it came to something stupid like this. Scara just couldn't move properly and could only feel those fingers creeping around his torso while his bare legs scratched against de cold stone ground as they kicked uncontrollably.
"And here too. Tummy tickles work really well on thundery nights," Childe instructed, easily flipping Scaramouche on his back so he could claw at his tummy.
"AHAHah I doohon't need your stuhuhupid - wahahah!" he roared. The storm slowly started to fade, and no more thunder was heard. So Childe also stopped tickling him.
"Hmm. How was that?" he asked with a smirk. Scara glared at him but felt too tired to throw a fit.
"Go to hell." He did have the energy left to say that. It earned him another quick tickle attack on his tummy though.
"STOHOHOP!" he howled dramatically, rolling over and gripping Childe's hand that attacked his stomach. Right at that moment, Aether arrived. Of course he did, great timing.
"Here you are! I was looking for you. Sorry I'm late," he said, and immediately followed up with: "Oh."
A smirk appeared on his face. "Am I disturbing something?" he asked while Paimon let out a squeaky gasp, and she hid herself behind Aether in embarrassment. Childe calmly patted Scara's tummy and got up, clapping his hands.
"We were only waiting for the storm to finish. And I helped Hat Guy deal with his fear. Thunder can be quite scary you know."
"I wasn't scared!" Scaramouche yelled. More like squeaked. He quickly gulped and covered his mouth. All that laughter had done things to his voice.
"Yeah yeah. So Traveler, are we ready to go?" Childe asked. Aether nodded.
"Sure. Are you ready too?" Aether asked, looking at Scara who was slowly getting back on his feet, blushing like crazy. He nodded quietly. Ah, he felt too embarrassed.
"Alright, let's go." Aether went ahead, leading the way, but Childe turned his head and glanced back at Scara. He smiled, and gave him the wink of cringe. A wink that made Scara blush furiously.
"No grudges please. I only had good intentions," Childe chirped, and he quickly went after Aether before Scara could snap at him. That... That guy! Scara stomped after them. Just you wait, Childe. He was going to get him back for this, someday, somehow. Just. You. Wait!
#queue#genshin impact#chiscara#childe#scaramouche#wanderer#tickling#tickle fic#tickletober#tickletober 2023#otomiya!writes
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Yo, i feel like i remember you mentioning a while ago an annual event you were part of called Yuri Jam or something, n it was like a game jam but for yuri, n you said like all skill levels are welcome, n there was a discord where people could get help n all come together n talking about their games?
I have no experience making games, but i have a yuri game in my heart, so i was sorta wondering when the next one will be so i could maybe participate and get my foot in the door
Thanks for listening to me lol
im gonna be hosting next yuri jam in 10 months. might hjost otherjams too but idk what future brings along. but the server is there so anyone can join at any time. the discord also doubles as a place where id share any other jams/things people might be interested in
teh above thing is for visual novels and renmpy and all i nkow is about renpy but still especially after reading what i posted above i wanna emphasises that you dont need a jam to start but i tink having a deadline and an active community also doing stuff is the best motivation for me and ibelieve for a lot of other people too. this doesnt apply towards everyone but still. in general i just think its better to spend 2 months trying your best than let a proejct drag on for montsh and months and months because at least for me six months in im an entirely different person than i was wghen i started and think past me is a godddarrnn foooolllllllll. especially if its your first vn since completing a thing is always the hardest part and thats waht one should be aiming to get better at immo
anways the discord server is in the jam description so just join and whatever dont overthink it
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There are more things in the Parable than Stanley knows about. [Blank Scripts AU]
#hoh boy i was going to make a comic to introduce these monsters but#i couldnt help myself and made an animation instead#because i just think they're so neat and cool okay#listen i cant for the life of me just infofump about my AU and OCs#because i just think that making actual content about my lore and stuff will not only raise the chances of people being interested#but also it will also raise my motivation to actually produce more content other than the same old recycled front-facing-profile drawings#i need to get creative with my stuff or I'll also loose interest and I DONT want that#in order to be happy with what i have i cant just think about it and expect to be given something new NOOOO i need to MAKE it ughh#i cant believe in order to get more content out of my own au i would need to draw it and feed myself ugh ugh ugh unbelievable (kidding)#but also#i wanna make a little music video or animation again for youtube#its been a hot while since ive uploaded anything in there at all#maybe an animation reel will do for now?#i hope so :(#because ive been working on expanding the Black Scripts AU#and honestly i dont regret it#i had a lot of fun making up scenarios and comics for Stanley and the Narrator (Black)#but yeah!#apart from this little video#you wont be getting an explanation on what these things are supposed to be#and why theyre there#actually i was originally gonna make this into a full fledge animation with sound effect/music/frame-by-frame movement/etc.#but i got lazy HAHA#tsp blank scripts au#tsp au#the stanley parable#the stanley parable ultra deluxe#tsp
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playing that in stars and time game everyone's been talking about and idk why but i just don't trust loop like i can't shake the feeling that they have ulterior motives. i think it's just paranoia from flowey though this is like the second time some weird creature was able to remember everything despite time loop shenanigans and the first one i know of was definitely evil.
UPDATE: taking all the smiles i'm getting in the replies as a sign they ARE evil. thanks for the help gang!
#in stars and time#isat#idk if i should tag this with spoilers this post is so vague my apologies if this is spoilery#like they haven't done anything to me i just don't know man.#it feels too convenient that they just. want to help me??? like for no reason?#no motive other than because they think i need help??#i don't know they're weirding me out#they're just that nice? i doubt it#they're like some sorta astral being the fuck are they doing wasting their time with some mortal#who's so dumb they died before even FACING THE FINAL BOSS#just yapping
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i fear that i don’t acknowledge enough the fact that i KNOW rhinedottir's evil !!! and she's horrible !!! and that she's wholly ireedamable !!! i know and love and respect that fact !!! i'd shoot myself in the frontal lobe if hoyo made her out to NOT be wholly evil !!!! but the reason i always go on and on and on about her humanity and complexity is because. SHE IS ALWAYS DUMBED DOWN !!!! TO JUST THAT !!!! it's literally the greatest and most moving theme (IN MY OPINION!!!) in genshin, that human beings are COMPLEX !!!! and they're MORE than just evil or bad or wtv. we see this through every character to almost ever be introduced to us -> literally just take arlecchino as an example. if anyone was at all paying attention to the discourse around her when the fontaine teaser dropped (and. 4.0 in general) it was the BIGGEST thing to watch people argue between "she's a harbinger, so she's clearly the most evil and the big antagonist of fontaine because of these accounts we have right now !!" versus the argument of "we've only seen ONE perspective of her so far, and it's no duh that all this stuff sucks -- but there's no way she's JUST gonna be all these horrible things,, because literally nobody to exist is just horrible and cruel with zero to no good in them. and also that'd make a shit narrative by hoyo in a story driven game" AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED !!!! we saw !!! in REAL time !!! that while arlecchino was rightfully cruel and horrible and, yes the things she did were fucked up beyond belief and she should absolutely not be excused for any of it - she is NOT just evil ! she's shown to care, albeit in a fucked up way that only shows she's even more deranged ; but what's so incredibly important about her is the way that her being "evil" doesn't mean she's incapable of anything else. She is evil, yes— but so many of those evil actions have *motives* and *reasons* that explain them (but not excuse or condone!) and, although they don’t save her grace or anything of the sort, they DO show her true character. AND YHATS SO IMPORTANT!!!! She’s capable of being an antagonist while still being justified in some form, and given nuance and backstory and redeemable traits
I am !!! NEVER !!! going to say rhinedottir is a good person. she isn't! no shit sherlock ! how the fuck do you think im gonna go on and ignore the fact she sent both her kids to their deaths, and also fed one to another. dare i say, that is NOT anything good !!! suprise of the century !! woah !!! -- but what i AM gonna say is that she's much beyond that? hello !! not only has the point of her having not a zero good trait or will in her body been. proven false over and over and over again. but it's such ! Sad and not compelling is character choice for her *not* to be nuanced and complex and justified in a fucked up !! — like do you REALLY think hoyoverse (who is clearly capable of, and likes to make) complex characters, who are horrible, while not being *only* those horrible things, would pass up a golden (haha) opportunity to make a characters whose entire existence is JUST that??!,!2????
believe what you want! Do what you want! This is a silly video game that will be eroded along with time in a hundred in so years ! But god so help me, please don’t be willfully ignorant to the complexity and nuance of characters, just because you want a villain. No villain , real or not, is entirely evil. People are complex and multi faceted and people really, really need to hop off this cart of going “okay but stop saying she’s multifaceted because it takes away from her being evil” because it DOESNT! If anything, it makes her so much more compelling . Which is something some people can apparently. Not handle.
#this isn’t even MENTIONING that she survived the cataclysm and#the implications that you guys are going to immediately villainize the one that got their nation destroyed. rather than the ones#that destroyed and cursed the people of it#HELLO.#-> I don’t see asmoday fans! or phanes fans!#because people are SO ignorant to things when it isn’t shoved in your face#you guys care about Rhinedottir this much because she’s so publicized. but celestia is JUST as bad and I have yet to see more than like#three fans of them. the group/faction who fit people’s perception of Rhinedottir even more than#Rhine herself#(not including the istaroth fans. you are all lovely. I love you guys.)#(thank you for being insane over her.)#-> like yesss guys! let’s demonize and antagonize the war survivor who went through just as much trauma as everyone else#who was just human (a point which was just established in the Fontaine quest to be HUGE when it comes to such extensive trauma like that)#and is clearly fucked up in the head. a tad against her decison#IM NOT SAYING THAT EXCUSES HER??? NO SHIT IT DOESNT???#but GOD so help me. THATS HER REASON!#HER OERSONAL JUSTIFICATION! MOTIVE!#why do people have to be so obsessed with making her an unjustified and evil entity when she’s. not that#she’s justified! even if it isn’t by a practical standard!#but I need YOU to put yourself into her shoes for a second#how the fuck would YOU react to your people being murdered and cursed#being wholly antagonized by everyone to live#experiencing isolation from society#and then going through the whole ‘like teo thirds of my magnum opuses just died’ thing#this isn’t even! to MENTION! the fact she holds a fucked up sense of affection for them?#do you truly think she felt NOTHING#I don’t care if you wanna talk about her sending them out to be killed. that doesn’t meant she can’t feel grief#they’re DRAGONSdeidgned for destruction what the fucj did you expect#-> hate her all you want! that’s okay! but don’t villainize her for no reason other that uoucamt think beyond surface level#crepe rambles
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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i have so much love in my heart it’s unreal
#thank GOD i’m going to visit my family in a couple days - i need a BREAK it’s getting overwhelming#but also i love my coworker so much#in a platonic way - she’s like a little sister to me#she’s so motivated and she has SO much potential and i am so proud of her and excited to see her learn and grow#and i want to help in any way i can#i hype her up to my boss and our other coworkers and upper management whenever possible#because she deserves it and nobody else is gonna do it#my boss is nice enough - but she doesn’t talk us up much which is a shame#so it’s up to me to make sure my coworker is being appreciated properly#because she is doing a TON of good work and i need to make sure she knows how incredible that is#she is too hard on herself and needs to take more time for herself to rest because she doesn’t get nearly enough#me and our other coworker have made it our personal mission to ensure that she takes care of herself#and she’s actually doing meaningfully better since we took an interest and - again - i am SO proud of her#i’m currently trying to convince her not to take too much on this summer and i *THINK* it’s going well#ultimately she’s going to be limited by reality regardless#but it would be better for her to plan less rather than try to do everything and get burnt out#i think she thrives on intense pressure just like i do - but that’s also wildly unhealthy to endure for long stretches#so i’m gonna keep working at it
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Ugh, I want to write but also just...don't want to do anything at all...
#like i know why but it's frustrating#because i know it's probably for the best#but i'm still disappointed you know?#i think it's probably because i'm aching for connection tbh but i know online isn't the place to find that#but i don't know how to get it in person either#so i just feel stuck and lonely and not sure what to do so that's fun....#and also like...i will probably try out to create but also...i feel like i shouldn't expect much (aka getting in or even being a backup)#just cause i don't even have that much confidence in my work...like I like it but does that mean other people would chose it? debatale#which is also a sucky feeling to have ugh#plus my motivation has been so off and on it's like...helping out seemed easier to do than committing to create#but at the same time yesterday i literally said i shouldn't be a mod because my mental state has been so crap#which is like...why i know it shouldn't effect me that much but i'm still disappointed and i'm tired of being disappointed i guess#anyways a lot of venting there i'm just kind of sad#but i also want to write and know i need to draw...#but i don't really want to draw and writing is kind of just reminders of what happened so....ughhh#aceo rambles
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turns out that eating breakfast after taking the meds you should eat with food is a good idea
#i feel a lot better than i did yesterday#the weird jittery bit of the meds eased up quite a lot#im still not used to it but i think it's gonna help me a lot#i wasn't aware that this kind of. like... clarity? was normal??#i can actually focus on things now. i can sit totally still if i want to. my brain isn't impossibly loud.#idk!! i never thought id be able to get help for this and it's unreal that a tiny fucking pill just... makes my brain function better#we'll see how the next few weeks play out bc it might not be great for me over time and i might need to try out other meds#but idk. ritalin seems to be working decently well and im happy#wait holy fuck i just realized i might be able to actually clean my room now#i haven't been able to fully clean my room in YEARS#ive been able to clean sections of it or like. halfway tidy up most of it#but a full deep clean has been out of the picture for so long bc i can never focus hard enough or get enough motivation to continue#i might actually be able to now. fuck. this changes so much.#i know that probably doesn't seem like much but my room has gotten so out of hand and it causes me stress#i can't even let people INTO my room because its embarrassing and makes me feel horrible#maybe i can actually invite people over now
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